“Relationships are hard work.”
“Relationships take sacrifice.”
Yes and yes. But also, no and no. I’m no relationship expert, but I feel that I have enough skin in the game to speak on the subject. I’ve been married for just over a year, and have been with my wife, Christina, for about three and a half years total. So I guess I’ll just come out and say it..
I have a small beef with people that use “relationships are hard work” as a crutch. As stated above, I agree that relationships are hard work. The hard work that it requires and the “hard work” that some people use to prop themselves up in their relationship are quite different.
The required hard work looks like the following:
Showing up everyday with unconditional love. Being an undying support system for your partner. Serving your partner everyday. Communicating openly, even when what needs to be said is uncomfortable. Trading late nights out with your friends for early nights in with your significant other. The hard work isn’t found in grandiose gestures. It’s entirely about showing up with consistency for the other person. Warren Buffet has been known to say that investing in the stock market is simple, but it’s not easy. I think the same can be said for relationships. The concept of a strong relationship is simple to understand, but not exactly easy to execute. It’s not easy showing up every single day for another human being. Hell, most of us have a hard enough time showing up for ourselves every single day. It’s simple, but it’s not easy.
So, I think we can all agree that relationships do involve hard work and sacrifice, but I feel like some couples use this concept to justify why they stay in a failing relationship. They use it as a crutch to hold up what’s left of their connection. They don’t get along. They don’t have the same values. They don’t have the same beliefs. They aren’t intimate anymore. They don’t have the same interests. Spending time with each other is a chore instead of a blessing. You’ll ask them why they’re still together when it seems so obvious that they shouldn’t be.
“Relationships are hard work. Relationships take sacrifice.”
Yes and yes. But, no and no. They do take hard work and sacrifice. It takes sacrificing your time and energy to be a part of something bigger than you. It takes working hard every single day to let that person in front of you know how much you care. That doesn’t mean working hard at putting up with a person that makes you miserable. It doesn’t mean sacrificing who you are to make the person across from you happy.
Be careful how you justify your relationship. The hard work isn’t about suffering through, it’s about showing up. The sacrifice isn’t about losing who you are, it’s about shifting your priorities to make room for the person you want to share your life with.
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Until next time,
Facebook: Nick Matiash