The confetti has fallen.
The champagne has been popped.
2017 is over and a new year is upon us.
As we launch into 2018, there’s a part of you that wants to grow out of the shell you’ve been living in. You want a little bit more—or maybe a hell of a lot more—to experience while your breathing here on this planet.
But then you consider the cost of such a journey.
The time spent trying to improve your habits is going to be massive.
The money invested into starting that business is going to set you back.
The effort you’ll have to throw at your dreams is pretty daunting.
Damn. That’s pretty intimidating.
Who wants to spend time, money, and effort on something that may not work out in the long run anyway?
That’s a lot of risk with no guaranteed reward. The decision to pump the brakes on your big plans makes complete rational sense.
But it’s not the money, time, or effort that’s scaring you off, and you know it.
It’s your ego.
Wasting time and effort would be a bummer, but not nearly as mortifying as failing in front of your friends. The judgment—whether perceived or real—weighs much heavier on your heart than your bank account taking a hit.
You can always make the money back.
But can you earn your friends respect after you fall on your face?
Learn to Be Careless (Care-Less)
We all have a group of people that we don’t want to disappoint or be embarrassed in front of.
Take a second and visualize the people that you’re scared to fail in front of. Close your eyes, take some deep breaths, and paint the picture of a round table of individuals that you love, respect, and don’t want to let down.
Then, as you release that deep breath, let these words follow:
“I don’t want to disappoint you, but even more than that, I don’t want to disappoint myself by not trying. So, respectfully, I’m choosing not to care what you think.”
Now, this is not an exercise in disrupting your inner circle. You don’t actually have to tell them to piss off.
You’re doing this for you. Say it in your head, yell it at the mirror, or scream it in your car with the windows up. Just commit to doing it for the sake of your sanity.
You need to make this gesture to consciously communicate that although you love these people, you are going to do what makes you happy. If you keep walking on eggshells trying to appease everyone else, you will go nowhere—and quickly.
They’ll Fall in Love Again
For my friends that are still feeling the sting of judgment coming from their friends and family, let me help you understand why there’s judgment—blatant or subtle—in the first place.
They love you, the original version.
They love the “You” that they grew up with.
They love the “You” that they raised.
They love the “You” that they’ve gotten used to.
Before you get all jacked up on “If I’m happy, they should be happy!” adrenaline, consider this:
Take a second and think about your favorite movie of all time. Have one in mind? Good! Think about the funny moments, the ones that made your heart skip a beat, and the characters who brought it all together on the big screen.
Now imagine if someone came along and said, “You know what? This movie is pretty good, but we’re gonna make some changes. Let’s swap out the main character and change the storyline a bit.”
How furious would you be? You would be LIVID.
That’s essentially what’s happening in the minds of your loved ones as you seek to grow, expand, and try new things.
They LOVE you as you currently are. Just like someone altering the story of your favorite movie, any threat to changing who you are—whether it be good or bad—won’t make them very happy.
With all that said, understand that they will fall back in love with you as you grow. They’ll find that the new and improved version of you has the same soul, just different beliefs or a different perspective.
It will take some getting used to, but you’ll find that once they see that this new “You” consistently and authentically, they’ll come back around.
There will be a time of friction and frustration; when others give you the subtle or explicit “you’ve changed” guilt trip.
But if you push through that discomfort and keep showing up as the person you hope to become, you’ll find that the people you care about will fall back in love with “You” 2.0.
So, as you head into this new year excited to make big changes in your life, understand two things:
- You’re not scared of losing money or time in your attempt to shift your life, you’re just trying to save face. Drop the ego and do the work required.
- The people closest to you may be put off by your growth. Understand that your changes conflict with their understanding of who you are. Keep pushing through that discomfort and you’ll find that they come back in the end.
Stay strong and keep moving past mediocre, my friends.
Until next time,